Thank you 2017, Hello 2018!

1 Jan

Dear 2017,

You had me going pretty fast alright. The months just swooped by but it was a fantastic year with ups and downs.

Traveled to Seoul with my mum and ML for a CNY family trip in Feb. It was freezing cold at 4 degree celcius when the wind was blowing. Mum fall sick during the trip probably due to the food, causing indigestion. It was a great family vacation together.

The best employee I ever had left for another company end of Feb too. My heart broke into pieces as if I just lost my love. LOL. But I wish her the best of luck elsewhere. And until this day, I still wish she will come back one day (provided we can pay her well).

Went for a short impromptu trip to Ho Chi Minh with ML and his colleagues in April. HCM blew me away with fresh, creative vibes. Loving what I’m seeing there.

Had a short trip to KL and met some friends in May 2017. Was just a short getaway with ML.

Stumbled across 3 cats behind our backyard. They were like a family always hanging around. There’s one female cat and male cat, very similar to each other, they could be siblings. They were a pretty young cats, in fact. We saw 2 kittens before but only one made it. It’s a family of 3 (Bengkok, Uncle and Mimi) and we have been fostering them every since. They have the same ginger colour! 😀

Had a down time with a miscarriage in June. It was only a month. My initial gynae wanted to wait for another week to confirm but it was too late. Went to another gynea but he didn’t believe that I was pregnant. I guess, nothing can stop a woman for letting herself know that her body is changing when that happen. You sort of like feel it inside. The male gynae only believed me after my blood result came positive but I know I don’t have to prove my point, just for his black and white record.

I felt sad WHEN it happened for 2 days and I got over it. It was a frustrating period in other areas for me because no one around me knew how to nourish the body at times like this. My mum didn’t know, my MIL didn’t know; and adding to the fact that my body was aching and feeling terrible, my emotion was playing on me and I felt very upset and helpless. I finally felt a lot better when I went for a post-natal massage to address my body issue. And that was also after having to wait for more than a week because when it happened, it was a few days before Hari Raya. As for food, I have to hunt it down myself to give my body the nourishment.

I realised I didn’t offer a mass offering for the baby. Mum helped me to offer one during her trip to Rome when I asked her a favour.

Went for a trip in Taiwan not too long after that in July, which was probably not a good idea. Bought the tickets in 2016 and not wanting to waste it, we just went ahead. Should be resting during the trip more but in any cases, we walked more, just like the usual during our travels. I grew pretty tired during the last few days of not having enough rest. ML had a pretty good time in finding the whole country as a sneaker heaven.

Had so many challenges in the business side with the slower growth, and problematic staff. Had so many sit down with her. Even until now, I find it hard to change a person’s attitude if she’s not willing to. By God’s grace, I would have to find ways to get her out of the team as she’s the bad apple and slowly spreading the bacteria.

We adopted and fostered 2 SOS’ stray dogs. They were the usual dogs hanging around ML’s office. But due the rabies outbreak and the panic mind of certain people, the council was catching every single stray dogs, healthy or not, and put them down. ML were pretty attached to the 2 of them and we agreed with SOS volunteer, Denny, to bring them home to our place. Denny, whom have been looking after Peanut (more than 5 years) and Pumpkin (probably more than a year) is the true hero at heart in saving the strays. We can only help in a small way to give them a forever home. Both now are settling well and have the freedom to roam outside freely when they want. It was hard to kept both stray dogs 24×7 in a confined space. They need their “me-time” to roam. And that’s how, the family was extended for a bit. 😀

Went to Bangkok in October for a work and pleasure trip in Oct. Managed to convince one ex-staff to rejoin the team as partner. Her work ethics are excellent and she’s efficient. Most importantly, she has the passion in the what we are doing and is able to share that passion to bring the business to greater heights.

Finally, in Dec 2017, the long awaited trip to Japan with ML and his balling mates and friends, materialized.

We always have a thin luck with Japan. Years ago, in 2011, I was supposed to go to Japan with my friends but tsunami happened and we canceled it off. Managed to visit Japan in 2014 with my mum on a tour, but tour wasn’t my kinda thing as whatever we are experiencing are already “pre-arranged”. ML and I bought tickets to visit Japan together end of 2014 but again, we had to cancel it when his dad had an emergency health crisis and things back then didn’t look good. Luckily, his dad pulled through.

This Japan trip was one of the best trip due to the fact that I don’t have to do any homework and fret about which station to board, which station to change, where to take the bus, where’s the direction, where to eat. Totally care-free and stress-free! Ming did all the work and the plus point, he can speak Japanese! Woo hoo! It feels wonderful because we were still able to see much and experienced much, and I didn’t have to do much. LOL.

It was also a year of letting go. I am hoping that I can forgive completely the people who have hurt me and have taken me for granted. I have nothing to offer them but my friendship, but when it was not appreciated by them, I was finally letting for after so many years.

At times, I wonder what had happened to me because I will normally still pursue the friendship. I treasure friendships. The people who hold dear to me, I love them. I realized that their toxic is unhealthy for my well-being. Letting go by not having to entertain them would be better and this time round, it was so much easier. They say wisdom is attained through age. Probably that’s true, because, I don’t give a damn. I will keep on praying for a forgiving heart whenever I thought about the treatment I received. Letting go does not equal to forgiveness if the heart is still bitter whenever you thought about it.

Here’s to a healthier, happier and joyous 2018 with my loved ones and friends.

Thank you everyone, who loves and accepts me for who I am. 🙂

 

 

 

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Down time

27 Jul

I just came back from my Taiwan trip. If was pretty exhausting with Alishan and Jiu Fen due to the traveling. Was away for 10 days and came back sick with sore throats and headache. ML had fun since he found so many affordable kicks there. Shoes heaven indeed for him.

I am not in my best self lately. I was unmotivated, lazy and tired most of the time. I think it could be the hormone wrecking inside me. 

Since the miscarriage mid-June, I have been like this. I understand probably my body needed rest and nourishment. I am no longer grieving in sadness, in fact, I was pretty okay emotionally since it’s an uncomplicated miscarriage, but the other departments are not cooperating. Is this normal?

How do I get myself back up again? Does it take any longer? Come tonthink of it, it happened only a month plus. I think I need more time.

Life

16 Jun

It’s been a while.

Work is busy as usual. Starting to crack my head on how to make things better in business.

I did nothing for the past few days. Like nothing. The heart wasn’t up to it so I just rest. Maybe this rest is very much needed.

I had some good news on Mon but it took a turn 2 days later. I suspected the worst.

It’s okay. I thought I wouldn’t be too sad about it because God will only give me the best. But I guess, it’s only human nature to grief and show sorrow.

I’ve mourned, and I’ve learned. Despite all that, I will surely have chances because all things are possible through Him. 

Life is fragile. And I thank God for sending people in my life to love and care for me sincerely.

The Mute Gang

7 Apr

There’s always a young guy, pretending to be mute and placing a small placard on your table about his story, or looking for donation and selling you small key chains or mini plush toys. 

This scenario happened to me more than 10 years ago in KL. And it’s becoming rampant in Kch.

It’s always the same young guy and today it’s a different dude. 

Although this is like so common, few months back when I’m in KL, the foreigners seemed to be placing all their stuff at your table and their “must-have-story-mini-placard” and walked away and did the same thing to the other tables and come back asking if you wanna donate and collecting back their products. 

I don’t know, it’s fishy and I don’t entertain them. Call me paranoid, I had a few fair shares of such “conning” was I was younger. I truly think there’s a better, proper, avenue to donate to charity. 

Friends, do come and go

30 Nov

I have to write this to get it off my chest. About a friend.

I’ve grown up to be an introvert after I reached 13 years old. Teenage self-consciousness, called it whatever you want. Such a big contract to my first 12 years old. My first 12 years was socially great, I had a lot of friends from different walks of life, mostly from my involvement in sports at school. 

I kept most things to myself. I’m shy, had low self-confidence (didn’t help with my pimple prone face). In my heart, I want to mingle around but shyness often took over and people labeled me as arrogant and cool.

However, I treasure my closed friends a lot. 

Fast forward, I went into university, still an introvert, joined the work force and my stepping stone was when I joined a sales team for an investment bank. I changed in my outlook towards meeting people, I can hold conversation better and I dare to maintain eye contact. Not saying I become an extrovert gradually, but somehow I am still a private person in a milder introvert personality. Environment and experience molded me to have better confidence.

My social circle is not huge. I still have a small group of closed friends. I am a person who treasure friendship a lot. Maybe because I am a single child, closed friends are like my siblings. 

After a series of unfortunate event, I found myself back to Kuching, leaving KL behind, where most of my friends were. 

I find myself lonely in Kuching. My closed friends in Kuching are mostly settled down. Until, I was introduced to a friend.

She’s so much younger than me and I don’t think I can hold any conversation of any interest with her. She’s the type of person who likes to meet new friends and she tries getting closer to me. I slowly open my heart and before long, we hanged out every weekends, went for swims and random drinks together. Most of the time, it was just the two of us. She introduced me to her group of friends, and they were great people.

I was surprised by then I can clicked with someone so much younger than me. Of course, she’s young and didn’t seem to have much worry about the world, compared to the mess I was in that time. Perhaps to me back then, she came into my life to take me away from my worries. The adult worries that I was dwelling in at that time.

We even travelled together but slowly after that, she distanced herself from me when she found a new group of friends. I kept asking her out but she rejected me with her hangouts. 

I remember very vividly, she asked me, how come I don’t have any friends to introduce to her, where as she kept introducing me new friends? I was speechless, and I muttered that I don’t have much friends in Kuching. Thinking back, is that a way to forge friendship with a condition to offer? I have nothing to offer except myself and she’s slowly getting away.

We didn’t hang out for a few months and during that period, I met someone new, my future husband. I wanted to have a chance to introduce her my then boyfriend, but as usual she’s busy and I started getting busy myself when I ventured into a small business.

But before that, I quit working for my friend, which I didn’t tell her, because I wanted to avoid questions on my I quit working for my good friend, which was complicated. She took it to heart. I can sensed she was pissed that I didn’t share with her and she hold on to that. 

It didn’t help that I grouped together with her friends to buy her a surprised birthday cake, which added into her misunderstanding, why I was closer to her friends than her. That was sorted out once she knew it was a surprise, but still the grunge was still there.

That was in 2013 when I first got together with my boyfriend. It between, I tried asking her out for a drink with no success. There was once or twice but conversation was weird. It’s like nothing much to talk about. I tried keeping in touch by texting her, but was remarked by, “Why are you telling me this?”. That remark hurt real bad. All her replies are cold.

I told myself again and again after getting such response from her, not to contact her anymore and to give up. But each time, I told myself, one more time.

Of course, the urge to ask her out for a drink decreased a lot, coupled with my busy weekend doing roadshows. She was often in my mind, and I felt sad why things turn out like this.

I told myself to let go when she’s not appreciating the friendship, plus I really have limited friends to introduce to her. To others, she’s the wonderful friend who always help others and caring person. Yeah, that’s the good side of her but she can’t let go of her grudge. 

Some friends always wanted to be treated special and privileged. They would want to be in the know of anything first in your life. I didn’t do that for one particular reason and for one particular event. 

I saw her a few months ago during lunch at a coffee shop with another friend, which I knew. I asked them for a few times to join me at the table and she just walked away telling her friend to sit at another table. I didn’t know if she heard me or that was it. 

But that was it, my final effort. I was letting go. I let go. That was the final straw.

My eyes are misty as I’m typing this. Some people are in our life for a certain reason, and some people left for a certain reason.

To say there’s completely no pain in my heart, was an understatement. I tried, but was shunned. I still think about her from time to time.

I need to forgive, forget and let go. And I need to let this out from my chest.

It’s Been a While 

30 Nov

In fact, it’s been ages.

Work is taking a toll, balancing while trying to make time for family, and own self.

Work wise, still trying to make things work out. Still a long way to go. Coming to a year the retail store is up.

I think I should make a mental note on the happy milestones in my life.

1. 20th September 2015
I am officially married!
Signed the papers in the presence of family members and closed friends.

2. November 2015
Started our house reno!
I had to leave this section to ML because I got my hands full with the new store’s preparation plus the wedding planning.

3. 12th December 2015
The retail store is up!
Hectic days leading to the opening of the store. Got sick 2 week after opening because the new mall was still very dusty!

4. May 2016
House reno was done after much setbacks. Seriously need to thank ML for doing it well. But oh, the stress for both of us.

5. 28th May 2016
Our wedding ceremony!
Planning the wedding was pretty stressful because at the same time, the store is still new plus the house reno going ons.

That period was the milestones and tripled that with grey hairs on my head now. Like seriously, it’s not funny!

Still, these are all the blessings that God has given me. 🙂

I cannot imagine I am here now at this stage of my life. My career is not perfect, in fact, still struggling, but I am happy. I love what I am doing and is excited to explore more.

I am surrounded by my family members and loved ones. I can’t imagine if I’m still in KL and going back to my rented house, alone having dinner, without them around. Life seems do empty back then.

I don’t have a lot friends but a few closed ones that I can hang out and talk to. I love and treasure them
to bits.

Yeah, life is not perfect, but I am happy and thankful.

And it feels great to be able to write my thoughts publicly private, without the prying through FB.

Thank you God for watching over me. 🙂

The Headache

17 May

Nah, I’m not suffering from headache, literally the problems and challenges that arise from getting the new home done and at the same time having a wedding, in slightly more than a week! *gulp*

Peeps that had the same nightmare complained before of how hectic it was and etc, now, we get to experienced first hands of the hectic schedule!

Not only that, BUDGET was a BIG CONCERN. Things that unexpectedly need to be done for the house, will directly cut the budget for wedding. And getting the house ready and wedding together require MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY.

And yeah, we don’t get to have our dream wedding (wedding travel), and yeah we don’t get to have what we expected to have for the backup wedding plan. We hope we spend wisely to create a HOME for us.

Fingers cross, hope to get things ready by this week for the house.

And ahhhhhh, I NEED TO FIND THE TIME TO CLEAN MY ROOMS!

It’s a massive huge of mess!

 

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